Day 27 part 3

true.. i din love u before. for one time i even felt irritated.. but i did fall for u.. its not by force. no one force me to do it. i am like u. one stubborn cow. no one force me to do this i dun wan to do. i really start to fall for u. its who u are. yes. i keep niaoing u about ur bad points.. but no matter wad i still love u for who u are. be it the whinny u, the emo u, the nice u, the sweet u, the happening u, the cheerful u, the caring u, the stupid u, the smart u, the mugger, the vex u, the frustrated u, the tired u, the easily irritated u, the helpful u, the stubborn u, the a-lot-a-lot-more u.. its like... be it good point or bad point.. its part of u and fall for all those points, thats u? i wasn't clear about my feelings too.. we both know that we started off on th wrong note. which couple at our age started off only knowing each other for a month. only us i guess? but in that 17 months we both learn so much more about each other.. so much so that u can think of wad i will be thinking. so much so that i can guess wad u are going to comment.. the feeling is still there in me.. my heart still beat like its going to have a heart attack.. with u around i can like do anything? practically.. maybe in that 17 months i learnt that u are the one.. but in that 17 months to u... maybe u found out i am just some random guy in ur life.. the cca days thing... i cant help it too.. i try to understand. we try to compromise. i believe u are not very happy when u found out that our cca days are on alternate days. i tried to understand too... yes. i know at times i do demand for attention.. but seriously.. why will i wan that attention? remember that night? i was emoing cos some girl in my class commented on the nationality issue... u know how emo i got. yes.. u did console me a few words.. then u just slept? i was still emoing about it? i tot u will understand how i feel about it.. i guess u did.. just that u are tired.. but that was the start... even since then i got more and more emo.. either u will be tired, mugging, or dancing. its just cos we are both busy at the wrong time... last year i was the one busy... now its ur turn.. and it ended up this way.. but seriously.. maybe u keep harping that u are not a good girl.. but we both know u are.. even if u are not a good girl.. so wad? i love u for who u are? that word is too heavy for u... it was heavy for me.. or is it just a illusion... who in the world dun have flaw? who in this world is the genuine ideal girlfriend. i dun wan a ideal girlfriend.. i dun need my girl friend be 160cm and more.. i dun need my girlfriend be a school flower.. someone asked me... why did u even love her until now? she is not even thinking of u.. what about her that u really love?... surprisingly i said... i dunno why i love her too.. i dunno which part of her i love.. but i just know that i love her.. if i really find out a reason why i love her.. i think thats not love anymore... it will indeed be 'like'... yes.. i dun deny.. i got reject a lot times.. all of them i could get over it like piece of cake.. cos all of them are just 'like'... i got slap by reality this time but it seems like i cant get over it... are we really that different.. besides the XX gene in u and the XY gene in me.. what other differ do we have.. u like to keep everything to urself.. u rather u are the one taking all the emoness then we both... i also? just like u.. when u cant hold it anymore u will still spill it.... u mentioned change... do u really think i changed... i see that compromise... isn't love about accepting the other? isn't love about compromising, giving, taking, caring unconditionally? still.. its a heavy word.. i dunno y i still get jealous over it.. how i wish they are just girls. its easier for me to accept. wads worse is that one of the guys is some one that is ur idea of a ideal bf... that disturbs me more.... i know its all about trust.. but at that point in time.. its so sensitive.. where do trust stand? at that point in time, the word trust is already shaking... yea i seem like i dun trust u all this 17 months.. cos i get jealous when guys get close to u? go ask des. how he feels if some guy keep sticking to his gf.. will he be jealous? yea. true. trust is always there.. but dun tel me that he dun even that little bit of jealous.. try asking him wad if that guy gave a 40 buck soft toy to his gf on vday.. if he still dun.. ask him go change his gf to u. cos he dun like his gf.. i feel confused... i know.. something are insignificant can dun say... but going out for dinner with 4 guys is insignificant to u? at the very least i should know about it? seriously.. i rather they are girls... the drawing of my notes.. its really nothing? its like. insignificant? got bored during lecture just draw lo.. it happened like wad? twice? its my fault not to tell u about it? but since i step into JC.. i dun go out with girls de leh.. serious. even i go there will be like guys around? and i will be the laugh-er and seldom the joker? u can see that when i go out with leroy and gang. i dun understand... wad crude ways.... i know u cant take my crudeness.. no one can.. but u know i get crude when i really pissed with something... there are decision that were made wrongly.. like choosing nj instead of ur dream vj... its my fault. i dun deny. i influenced u.. but in the first place. 10 points brings u to vj during PAE? maybe u got 10 points cos i was there... u could have done much better.. but going vj plus dance... meaning going home at 11? that will be the best of all choices? i feel like a jerk... u asked if u are worth all this while... if u asked me one the day we broke.. i will say no... cos of the surge of anger.. but now.. i will say yes.. cos i still love u.. the heart is still sticking to ur side. i dunno y.. but yea.. worth it...


the very thing that brought us together crushed us in to pieces now..

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