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6:07 AM

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Day 27 part 3

true.. i din love u before. for one time i even felt irritated.. but i did fall for u.. its not by force. no one force me to do it. i am like u. one stubborn cow. no one force me to do this i dun wan to do. i really start to fall for u. its who u are. yes. i keep niaoing u about ur bad points.. but no matter wad i still love u for who u are. be it the whinny u, the emo u, the nice u, the sweet u, the happening u, the cheerful u, the caring u, the stupid u, the smart u, the mugger, the vex u, the frustrated u, the tired u, the easily irritated u, the helpful u, the stubborn u, the a-lot-a-lot-more u.. its like... be it good point or bad point.. its part of u and fall for all those points, thats u? i wasn't clear about my feelings too.. we both know that we started off on th wrong note. which couple at our age started off only knowing each other for a month. only us i guess? but in that 17 months we both learn so much more about each other.. so much so that u can think of wad i will be thinking. so much so that i can guess wad u are going to comment.. the feeling is still there in me.. my heart still beat like its going to have a heart attack.. with u around i can like do anything? practically.. maybe in that 17 months i learnt that u are the one.. but in that 17 months to u... maybe u found out i am just some random guy in ur life.. the cca days thing... i cant help it too.. i try to understand. we try to compromise. i believe u are not very happy when u found out that our cca days are on alternate days. i tried to understand too... yes. i know at times i do demand for attention.. but seriously.. why will i wan that attention? remember that night? i was emoing cos some girl in my class commented on the nationality issue... u know how emo i got. yes.. u did console me a few words.. then u just slept? i was still emoing about it? i tot u will understand how i feel about it.. i guess u did.. just that u are tired.. but that was the start... even since then i got more and more emo.. either u will be tired, mugging, or dancing. its just cos we are both busy at the wrong time... last year i was the one busy... now its ur turn.. and it ended up this way.. but seriously.. maybe u keep harping that u are not a good girl.. but we both know u are.. even if u are not a good girl.. so wad? i love u for who u are? that word is too heavy for u... it was heavy for me.. or is it just a illusion... who in the world dun have flaw? who in this world is the genuine ideal girlfriend. i dun wan a ideal girlfriend.. i dun need my girl friend be 160cm and more.. i dun need my girlfriend be a school flower.. someone asked me... why did u even love her until now? she is not even thinking of u.. what about her that u really love?... surprisingly i said... i dunno why i love her too.. i dunno which part of her i love.. but i just know that i love her.. if i really find out a reason why i love her.. i think thats not love anymore... it will indeed be 'like'... yes.. i dun deny.. i got reject a lot times.. all of them i could get over it like piece of cake.. cos all of them are just 'like'... i got slap by reality this time but it seems like i cant get over it... are we really that different.. besides the XX gene in u and the XY gene in me.. what other differ do we have.. u like to keep everything to urself.. u rather u are the one taking all the emoness then we both... i also? just like u.. when u cant hold it anymore u will still spill it.... u mentioned change... do u really think i changed... i see that compromise... isn't love about accepting the other? isn't love about compromising, giving, taking, caring unconditionally? still.. its a heavy word.. i dunno y i still get jealous over it.. how i wish they are just girls. its easier for me to accept. wads worse is that one of the guys is some one that is ur idea of a ideal bf... that disturbs me more.... i know its all about trust.. but at that point in time.. its so sensitive.. where do trust stand? at that point in time, the word trust is already shaking... yea i seem like i dun trust u all this 17 months.. cos i get jealous when guys get close to u? go ask des. how he feels if some guy keep sticking to his gf.. will he be jealous? yea. true. trust is always there.. but dun tel me that he dun even that little bit of jealous.. try asking him wad if that guy gave a 40 buck soft toy to his gf on vday.. if he still dun.. ask him go change his gf to u. cos he dun like his gf.. i feel confused... i know.. something are insignificant can dun say... but going out for dinner with 4 guys is insignificant to u? at the very least i should know about it? seriously.. i rather they are girls... the drawing of my notes.. its really nothing? its like. insignificant? got bored during lecture just draw lo.. it happened like wad? twice? its my fault not to tell u about it? but since i step into JC.. i dun go out with girls de leh.. serious. even i go there will be like guys around? and i will be the laugh-er and seldom the joker? u can see that when i go out with leroy and gang. i dun understand... wad crude ways.... i know u cant take my crudeness.. no one can.. but u know i get crude when i really pissed with something... there are decision that were made wrongly.. like choosing nj instead of ur dream vj... its my fault. i dun deny. i influenced u.. but in the first place. 10 points brings u to vj during PAE? maybe u got 10 points cos i was there... u could have done much better.. but going vj plus dance... meaning going home at 11? that will be the best of all choices? i feel like a jerk... u asked if u are worth all this while... if u asked me one the day we broke.. i will say no... cos of the surge of anger.. but now.. i will say yes.. cos i still love u.. the heart is still sticking to ur side. i dunno y.. but yea.. worth it...


the very thing that brought us together crushed us in to pieces now..

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8:19 PM

Day 27 Part 2

have being thinking.. am i really a MCP? i dunno. come to think of it i never really stop u from socializing wad.. when socialize i mean with girls? its ok wad. wad u girls do no need to tell me wad.. but getting close to guys and socializing with them.. is it really normal to socialize until rumors start spreading and i am still kept in the dark.. was it ever fair to me? really no need to tell me meh? dun forget then u had a bf. but true enough.. now u dun have one. just that wad some friend told me flashed pass my mind just now.. u shouldn't stop her from socializing.. but at that time.. did i really stop u? i ask u to make more friend even.. and i did say keep a distant from guy friends.. maybe that was the part where i seem so..MCP.. u din wan to tell me about wad happen thats why i ask.. that act of i-want-to-know-more seems be a form of control to u.. it was my fault too.. but if u wan to hide then dun let me know u are hiding.. jealousy is inevitable? doesn't mean with trust, jealousy will just vanish? u wouldn't like it when i keep saying how nice some girl is to me. even if its not to me, maybe every other people around me.u still wouldn't like that feeling. its the same as how i feel now and then. every guy around u seems so much nicer compared to me. i am still a control freak. but somethings at that time.. as a bf then, i shouldn't know? i admit i am control freak now.. now i am just a friend and i still wan to know so much about u. i dun deny that.. but at that time... is it really control... if it wasn't... then why will we be in this state... Catch 22? i wan to believe that nothing is going on.. i wan to believe this is just a cold war..

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1:46 PM

Day 27

我不配

这街上太拥挤　
太多人有秘密　
玻璃上有雾气在被隐藏起过去
你脸上的情绪　
在还原那场雨　
这巷弄太过弯曲走不回故事里

这日子不再绿　
又斑驳了几句　 　
剩下搬空回忆的我在大房子里
电影院的座椅　
隔遥远的距离　
感情没有对手戏你跟自己下棋

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于
描述我如何爱你　
你却微笑的离我而去

这感觉　已经不对　
我努力在挽回
一些些应该体贴的感觉我没给
你嘟嘴许的愿望很卑微在妥协
是我忽略　你不过要人陪

这感觉已经不对　
我最后才了解
一页页不忍翻阅的情节你好累
你默背为我掉过几次泪多憔悴
而我心碎你受罪你的美我不配

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10:42 AM

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Day 26

control freak. wake up LEJUN! she is not urs anymore.....

-moron




ur life is ungreyed by dance.. or the dance frens.. but never me..

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9:56 PM

Friday, February 22, 2008

Day 25

LOL! SUAY! my music library is corrupted!! SCREWED LA! T.T haiz. nvm! shall reorganise everything. but i cant find my songs files anymore.. they like.... disappear?! SIAN!!

just reached home at around 10 pm. had a fun time in school having 'meeting'.. dam stupid sia. now i see why she like to hang out with her dance exco so much so that i have to go. its really... crappy de?! haiz! but quite awkward la. i not exco go there for wad. =.= but cant help? i need to do that risk assessment for the camp. sounds cool hor? its just document that list down all the potential risks the camp have! LOL?! so funny la. ok la. suay lo. the whole band only have one first aider. aka almighty lejun. =.=

OH YA. me and AA make this stupid poem about YUN RUI! it was dam childish and sick. so funny that the chem teacher actually asked me... do i have marker ink on my face? then y is lejun laughing at me. =.= oh pls. i wasnt laughing at her. its that poem.... here is goes.... LOL!

*removed*


i dun wan yun rui to come kill me. its all AA's idea. =.= LOL! i onli spark off his imagination by saying....


yun rui yun rui on the wall.....

ARHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! ok. i know. i was extremely bored. =.= sorry lo. hehe..







shhhhhhhhhhh. someone is pissed... shhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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11:29 PM

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Day 24

aiya. sian de leh. =.= rotting like shit. come to think of shit. i wan DA BIAN!! YAWN! GP compre was..... perfectly well done. =.= yea rite. how i wish it was well done. LOL! i slept during the test. wad can i say. the passage bores me. further more eye candy sitting rite smack in front of me. HOW TO concentrate. MAN! think that ang mo teacher saw me sleep sia. =.= then i stone at him. LOL! ok. its really stupid. cant blame me. the test is like... after PE? of cos i am tired. arhahahahahaha. ok. shit that setter. the paper was relatively easier compared to the exercise ivan gave us. LOL! the prob is.... my brain not at working condition la. feel shitted the whole day. sian sian sian sian sian... HYDROXY compounds sucks. =.= my notes is like so clean. i din even flip open it before lo. but the lecture on that is over? HMMMM! X-ray vision. lihai ba! HEHE.. and the notes is blank. too clean le. ARHAHAHAHAHA! cant blame. that topic was taught during the....period. yea. LOL! onli stone at the teacher and her not-funny-but-makes-ppl-laugh jokes. =.=

yawn. i am bored. T.T why no girls wan go out with me de. =.= BULLSHIT. nvm. thats cos i not as cute as u.

tata... i shall go release toxic waste from my colon. =.= aka shit.

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9:47 PM

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Day 23

tired. tmr still got pe. fucked up. screwed life jiu dui le. so many questions. she is feeling emo but dun wan tell me why also. sian. let her be ba. maybe i just not the one she need. i never was...... or is it 'is'? blah.. doesn't matter.

who wan to help me die? =.= i feeling DEEP PAIN here. dun try to prolong the pain by the use of morphine. kill me str8. try not to strike me with a baseball bat. it will be dam pain. try something like.... gas leak? no explosion please. i wan a intact body.

lameshit. =.= i just got overwhelmed by the GP topic. Assisted Death. cooooooooool. i actually say i will kill my granny if she is dam old and is suffering from extreme pain. seriously. wads the point. she maybe be alive. but alive for wad? to suffer? i will be selfish to keep her alive and suffering. i rather she leaves peacefully and enjoy her last moment painlessly. ok..

DIGRESS!!

life sucks. =.= i am just alive.. not even living. call that existing for the sake of being around. i cant find the aim.. it was to bring someone happiness.. now the new aim is to find a new aim. SHIT?





ROT! i dunno.. its like after so long. even if you are back now.. it will be cos you pity me. not cos you likes me.. whats the point. i dun need her sympathy. its humiliating for me. maybe if the feeling was there it would end up like this in the first place.. pretty sure you din do this cos you are rush.. you really tot through thoroughly before making this decision ba.. give me sometime and i will get over the jealousy. maybe u dun like him but that is always a lot of other 'him's around you.. yea... just like that song.. u once need to be protected but now u are strong enough le. being around might just be a burden to u.. chim hor. but yea.. learn a lot from u too. just saw more negative sides of this world. just take care of yourself.. dun keep everything to urself. really CMI can find one of ur gang to talk to. i believe that guy with gf will definitely give u a lot support adn cheering. ^^ of cos.. last choice on the list will be me. =.=

i bet u are not stoning. =.= pretty sure about that one.

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9:28 PM

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Day 22 Part 3

RUBBISH! what doing ur favourite things can help to keep ur mind clear of emo things.. stupid. when u emo how to have the mood to do ur favourite things. =.= Catch 22 again....

rot. rotting. rotten. rotter.

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9:46 PM

Day 22 Part 2

hohoho... its day 22 le. FAST! haiz.. day by day u are getting closer to other guys. this sucks. hmmm.. blah. doesnt really matter now! SO!! bear with it. ^^ hmm.. i feel just like a old phone. when a new and better model comes i have to leave.

this song is for u! LOL! or rather this song is like wad u will say.. maybe? idk ^^ can send u if u wan it.. yea.

Tattoo by Jordin Sparks

Oh, oh, oh

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus X2]

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you




i am just going to find my xiao lao po.. GP COMPRE darling~~ here i come~

Tableman of AJ Mugger Club signing off~

This is lame~

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7:46 PM

Day 22

shit you. you are freaking me out. dun let me find out who u are. if u are who i think u are, u are in deep shit i tell u.

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12:12 AM

Monday, February 18, 2008

Day 21

0.o day 21 rite?? hohoho~ i blur liao.. too tired! RAH!! cant believe i can do econ test leh.. ok la. was doable. =.= but not really passable =x still screwed.. ARHAHAHAHAHA! i dun even know wads PPC.. Poke Pork Curve?! wadever la. its OVER~ like wasting my time now.. LOL! nothing much to do.. or rather alot of thigns to do but i dun feel like doing any. drained sia.. HAIZ! Nvm.. i went gym so now shud have strength to PULL MYSELF TOGETHER!!! RAH!! *puuuuull~~~*

VECTORS is still waiting for me... so is HALOGEN DEVIATION... now my 3rd mistress GP COMPRE is seducing me. MAN!! i am a LUCKILY GUY EH!! so 'popular' among my tutorials... hurhurhur.. self entertain. =.=

SCREWS! i forget. =.= thursday got........GP COMPRE TEST!!! holy ma ma. *i know my mum is holy* 50% of CT1... arhahah... i shall wish myself good luck. just like my econs test today. =x

good luck~^^

HAIZ! cmi la. =.= forget it. i go rot. decompose. vaporise. =.= wadever i do juz disappear. ARHAHAHAHA~





OH YA! BTW. To prevent people from going to the wrong blog and think i am some OTHER GUY.. this is my photo!



















WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!



i finally realized i am the bad boyfriend. not u. cos u are the girlfriend. =.= jkjk~

P.S: this one seriously a joke. no hidden meaning.

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9:17 PM

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Day 20 Part 4

WAH... first time i wrote so many parts in just 1 day.. this goes to show how SIAN i am. haha.. having econs test tmr. SCREWED! big time.. BOP and trade theory.. what the hell are those. =.= more or less have some knowledge on them. but seems so blank when it comes to test and writing essays on them. bores me to the max..

WAS watching this dam emo de drama serials. so dumb.


THE guy said: Losing the love one is like losing yourself.. forgetting the one u loved is as good as asking u to forget who you are.


moron.

LALALA~~ whoops i did it again.. criticizing people. i think i should just keep those comments to myself. remain a nice guy on the outside and a dam evil guy in the inside. MrBadGuy rawkz!

COME to think of it. everyone have a mask de ba.. i should find a mask and put it on soon.. What for be so true, when the person u trusted most still leaves u thinking that u are bad to the core.

THINK the next few months will be my turn to get all busy. so busy that i wish i could forget all the nice-guy-theory.. and all the nice things that he is and i am not. blah!!

TO-DO list of the next few months.....

-econs test... which is tmr =.=
-maths test... week 9
-chem test... week 10
-hamoc camp... march holidays
-SI camp (hopefully i will get in)... march holidays
-ODAC camp( i am dying to go but..)...march holidays
-ABCDE camp prepartion and SI training(hopefully)... from end of march holidays to the end of june holidays

WOW! see... march holiday onli 11days.. out of 11 days i got 2 THREEdaysTWOnights camps. =.= busy~~ get all worn out better.. too drain to even think of patching up. YES! thats way babe!

AND yea.. econs sucks... i hate mugging..... for once i am dying to go ARMY! haiz.. i am juz a ugly freak who doesn't even know wad he really wants..


GYMgymGYMgymGYMgymGYMgymGYMgymGYMgymGYMgymGYMgym


no point missing u. cos i know u wouldn't miss me.

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8:27 PM

Day 20 Part 3

SHIT! i cant sleep cant mug cant eat cant drink cant think... idiot. waddehell i doing sian...

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5:54 PM

Day 20 part 2

I FEEL LIKE SHIT!!

econs test.. chiong ar....

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1:43 PM

Day 20

20!! nice number! nice guys!!! wooo... thats y i am not president. thanx babe! u stepped on it.















我不值得你的时间
我不值得你的爱
我更不值得你的关心
我只想听你的声音

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12:22 AM

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Day 19

NO chance of patching up le.... that 'xin' is no longer there.. when she is ready to start a relationship again.. that guy will no longer be me too... its a dream...

whats the point... once again.. its back to Day 1... patch up... seems so far.. the probability of patching up is like a coin being tossed and lands standing on its side.. near to zero... when the 'xin' is there , question about your life becomes a form of care... when the 'xin' is gone , it becomes stress...

Why the 'xin' will be gone?

Question with no ans...

Are we really that different?

Another question with no ans... can classified under X-files.

'u going to get wad u giving~~'

lyrics of the song playing in the play list now.... that singer is naive also... just like me.








you took 17 months to realize you dun love me.. how long will i take to realize i can forget you? to cry or to smile... i dunno.

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12:15 AM

Friday, February 15, 2008

Day 18

its a screwed day... i just feel so drained... so tired... so alone... everything in my life seems screwed... cant catch up with my work... cant bring the class together even for a dinner... cant find someone that is really there to help me face my problem... worse come to worse.. i lost you.. its my life...

hmmm.. frens... are they really there when u need them? how many frens are really there for u? i tot i had a lot.. come to think of it.. frens will always be there when they are free... if all emoing and acting for the pass 17 days.. i am tired.. i cant bring myself to smile anymore...

i was walking home alone... i crossed the road at the wrong junction... it took me the same amount of time to go back to the rite path... guess it will take the equal amount of time for me to regrow all the tree... i cleared the whole forest for that single tree... stupid hor? i tot so too..

my studies are in a mess... i went for SI interview... she asked.. how come ur result was in a mess last year.. i was dumb found... i cant answer... i was slack.. i had plenty of time.. wad did i do... its juz stupid... after so much... yet there is still a ending...


guess u make the rite choice to leave.. this guy is not having a bright future... that guy in that dance studio is a better one.. i juz find it hard to believe... even when we are together.. the rumour of u 2 started?? where was i... hmm.. seems weird.. sounds weird.. feels all weird... guess i was rite... u two are so close that even people around u see things are amiss.. y dun u see rumours of me spreading? hmm.. does it really matter now? i doubt even des have rumour ba... now he is happy... but still.. if u are happy.. i ought to be happy for u...

i feel like my life is in a mess... big mess... i dun wan u to feel like channel 8 reporter.. yes i heard wad ur sister said.. i have no rite to know so much about u anymore... that explains y u feel stress-less talking to him... you have too much things in common.. same cca same school... u dun have to report anything to him... its all mess... i know u are going to say 'wadde' .. i trust u... u dun like him now... i wan to know... but i nvr could.. i no longer have the rite to know... i dun wan to hurt u some more... being with me for that 17 months have already being suffering enough for u ba... even at the happy times.. rmb u asked me before... "if another guy was to like me wad would u do"... if i am ur bf then... i will really wan to beat him up. but still i know u wun let go of me.... but now i am juz a fren. i lost that premier card le .. seriously wad can i do? i know i might lose u but i cant do anything about it anymore... its ur choice...


who is really there for me... i cant see... cant feel...

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6:45 PM

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Day 17 Part 2

agony.. just kill me.. 2 hours...

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8:56 PM

Day 17

HEYHEY!! happy VDAY to aLL!! SO many chocolates and flowers this year eh! horhor! special thanx to the following!!

xjun: THANKS for the flower and the bear and the stick and the packet of Wang Wang. LOL! hope u like that pork-u-pine. =.=

nigel: LOL! mymy! thanks bro for that white rose! arhahaha

Jasmine: LOL! thanks for the chocolates! DAM nice! arhahaha..

Chen Chen and gang: Thanks for the goodies!!


Had class gift exchange also. LOL! my towel lollipop ended up in the hands of........BELINDA! =.= its a random lucky daw.. =.= shud it be even considered as LUCKY?! phoebe was SO LUCKY to have drawn bernard's name! aRAHAHAHAHA! or shud i say bernard is the lucky one! aRHAHAHAHAHAA!

Went off to NJ after sch to meet XJ.. its like... less than 1 min? =.= juz pass her the stuff and she went off for meeting. cant even see her when i turn back. =.= since when ur leg so long de sia.. yea.. weird feeling ba. arhahahaha.. she si having gift exchange with her dance ppl now! arhahahaha! COOL! AHEM!! y harmoc dun have... HAIZ! and u still dao my sms... SIAN!

Tmr got XCOUNTRY?! WTH?! after school somemore... wan to know where?!

bishan park.... WOW! thats DAM cheapo LA! might as well go AMK park?! the flower there nicer. =.= SIAO!! haiz... still have to run sia.. SAD LA!








happy valentines day^^!! i dunno to be happy or sad sia! =.= mixed feeling..

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8:24 PM

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Day 16

You Found Me by KELLY CLARKSON

Is this a dream?
If it is
Please don't wake me from this high
I'd become comfortably numb
Until you opened up my eyes
To what it's like
When everything's right
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

So, here we are
That's pretty far
When you think of where we've been
No going back
I'm fading out
All that has faded me within
You're by my side
Now everything's fine
I can't believe

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me
You found me

And I was hiding
'Til you came along
And showed me where I belong
You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know?
How did you know?

You found me
When no one else was lookin'
How did you know just where I would be?
Yeah, you broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
You found me

(You found me)
(When no one else was lookin')
You found me
(How did you know just where I would be?)
You broke through
All of my confusion
The ups and the downs
And you still didn't leave
I guess that you saw what nobody could see
The good and the bad
And the things in between
You found me
You found me

LOL! nice song.. remind me how we met.. how Leroy reacted when he find out we are together..

HUH? Who's that? Our class de ar?

haha.. silly. that was how insignificant.. guess i did saw something in u that others din see.. hmm.. time passes and now... everyone notices u.. LOL! i am just like everyone else now.. like what they say... what i see good in u.. others can see it too..

I had a BAD DAY~~~

yea true. totally. stupid sia.. first period its MATHS TUT! taht QUEK QUEK came and talk about vectors.. the first 45 min was still ok.. i learnt something. the last 15 min was just... a waste of time. he started talking about.... something that i dunno.. i thinks its reflection of a line or a point or SOMETHING LIKE that.. as first i was still listening. until a point where the term MIDDLE POINT THEOREM appear.. i totally stunned.. i just stared at him blankly. LOL! stupid retarded! feels like i got ran over by a lorry 10 times.. =.= back and fore.. EEEEEEEEEE bang~~~

WOOOOOTS! Tomorrow is VDAY! Have this gift exchange thing going on in the class tomorrow!! SO EXCITING! I got this.... towel lollipop?! aRHAHAHAHAA.. Good luck to that lucky girl ba! Or maybe its a GUY?! LOL!! Doesn't matter! we are one big family!! ^^

somethings are meant to be felt but not said... somethings i choose to keep it to myself.. maybe i seem to be keep picking on ur bad points.. but u know... i love u for ur good points AND bad points..

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8:12 PM

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Day 15

NO one loves me!
NO one likes me!

SAD CASE MAN~! haha... went to northpoint to get vday present with yy. yea. took so long to decide wad to buy.. a bit wasted i think.. BUT! if she can smile can le... stupid moron. =.= wad 'stupid moron'?! call me moron can le... stupid is a mean word. =.=

its juz another sian day without u...

thats all. boring life rite? LOL! totally...







popular? jiayou for TEST!

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7:36 PM

Monday, February 11, 2008

Day 14

if you give your everything for something apart from yourself and u never benefit, sooner or later you'll get very tired and lose the meaning of doing it..

sometimes it does come to the point when u duno whether you're giving too much such that u're doing more damage to yourself then benefitting lah..


WOW! these few lines brings me to a DEEPER thinking of relationship sia. its very DEEP! Dark to a certain extent.. but very true and realistic...

MYMY! Words of a experienced young lady. =.= See the Catch 22 here? How to be YOUNG and EXPERIENCED at the same time...

today is the 11th of the month! WOOO! first time in the past 17 months, this day dun mean anything to me. =.= ok... does feels weird. but true enough. it will remain so until i-dunno-when. be it good or bad, having a break is always the BEST! =.= that sentence abit weird hor? LOL! cant blame. it came out from the hands of someone who scored 20/50 for GP essay test. =.= STUPID!

Lejun,

i can see that u have a lot of points to elaborate and u are very knowledgeable in this topic but u fail to understand the question.


=.= curses.









BY right. its the 18th month and my 18th year as a human.

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8:41 PM

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Day 13

WOOOOTS! i finished BIO!

*CLAPsCLAPsCLAPsCLAPsCLAPsCLAPsCLAPsCLAPs*

nvm.. =.= i onli finish bio... while crazy ppl finish all the way until vectors III... DIE! tuesday got CHEM SPA somemore... T.T paying anyone who are willing to do my TUT!!!

LOL! 1 hour 52 min to 12 midnight...



11th of FEB!


yea. got school. =.=




接受 by 梁静茹

仿佛想你一分钟 你还陪在我左右 还以为我们会开花结果 我还记得玫瑰色天空 却模糊了我们的脸孔 很多的歌到底是什么内容 仿佛已经自由 下一个我变成风 吹过你的脸孔差点失控 回忆在愿里遗留的恨说 我想我可以明白你所有的痛 想让你知道我多 觉得心言不由衷 我们都接受 一定是彼此不够成熟 在爱情里分不了轻重 诚实的过了头 不能退后也无法向前走 爱是一个自私的念头 把寂寞消除的理由 剩下的那些人都 能记得多久 仿佛已经自由 下一个我变成风 吹过你的脸孔差点失控 回忆在愿里遗留的恨说 我想我可以明白你所有的痛 想让你知道我多 觉得心言不由衷 我们都接受 一定是彼此不够成熟 在爱情里分不了轻重 诚实的过了头 不能退后也无法向前走 爱是一个自私的念头 把寂寞消除的理由 剩下的那些人都 能记得多久 我们都接受 一定是彼此不够成熟 在爱情里分不了轻重 诚实的过了头 不能退后也无法向前走 爱是一个自私的念头 把寂寞消除的理由 剩下的那些人都 能记得多久

remember this time? better to forget.. ^^

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10:07 PM

Day 12 to 13

ARHAHAHAHAHAH!! post 2 days at the same time? arhahaha... cos i am so high that i forgot to post.. alot of things happen.. but the most happy one was the surprise that JAS & YY & XJ got for me!!!

first time in my 18 years of being a human a group of ppl actually came to my house and celebrated my birthday.. was so shocked! arhahahaha.. i was sleeping like pig and the door bell rang. it rang and never stop.. got pissed and wanted to scold whoever woke me up! aRHAHAHA. the next thing i saw was a birthday cake at the door step. tot some prank. din think much and went back to get a shirt before opening the gate. DAM FUNNY LA. i was still dam gooooon la.. was thinking..


must be that yongyuan.. got nothing better to do..


jus when i was about to sms him.. the door bell rang again. this time they were there. LOL! i was still semi sleeping state. =.= ANYWAY! we ate the cake and start puting cake on each other face. so wasteful! LOL!! but had alot of fun..

after which wanted to treat them to dinner. ARHAHAHAH.. but all dam full after the cake. =.= so we went ot buy FBT! some tiko was toking to xj.. LOL. felt something was wrong when i saw him sitting down next to her while she was standing there. =.= then realise her SKIRT was dam short!! LOL! then that tiko starting toking. =.= every shake our hands for nothing.. but apparently he was attempting to shake the gals hand la. =.=

ARHAHAHHAHA.... xj got so scared by the tiko and started to stick super close to JAS! arhahahaha.. sure that 'man' can help her scare away the tiko.. after which we send xj home.. had a LONG consultation session with jas and yy at some random playground. vomited alot of things at them.. and they throw back alot of things at me... LOL! come to think of it... its quite a... tragic? wasted ba.. LOL.

then we sent jas home... me and yy went all the way to seng kang leh! lol.. then that gay say he nvr take LRT before.. so we took LRT with jas. =.= END UP WE MISSED THE LAST BUS HOME!!!

jus when we tot we have to walk all the way back to yishun... 85 came!! LOL! we got dam high and chiong after it... =.= luckily we caught the bus! i dun wan spend the first night outside with a GUY!! arhhahaha... just joking! one crazy thing i did when i turn 18! ^^

tired.... but happy.. really happy.. happy to great frens.. happy to have nice cakes.. happy to be able to talk abt so many things... happy to see her... alot of happy... now have to be happy to start doing my homework.. =.=




thanks....

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12:46 AM

Friday, February 8, 2008

Day 11 Part 2

OK~ happy birthday to myself. =.= how nice. i went to catch a movie alone since everyone is busy.. LOL. normal. dunno how i pass last year. but this year seems more lonely..

parents not home.. no bro to play with me.. no gf to sms.. onli got me and 4 walls..

toking abt the movie. kungfu slam dunk is nice... 3 out of 5 stars ba... its funny... but weird. =.= i end up coming out of the cinema with cheese on my shorts.. =.= some kid that was sitting beside me wipe it on me i think.. how nice. now i am a rag. =.= ON MY BIRTHDAY!

hmmm... had a good laugh in the cinema. like nothing happened. but true enough. after the good laugh its still me alone in the cinema.. =.= of cos there are other strangers around la.. but.. like i say. strangers.. =.=

sing happy birthday song to myself ba!

祝我生日快乐

我知道伤心不能改变什么　
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只要关上了门不必理谁
一个人坐在空荡包厢里面　
手机让它休息一夜
难　像切歌切掉回忆的画面　
眼泪不能流过十二点
生日快乐　
我对自己说　
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐　
泪也融了　
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你　
带一点恨　
还要时间　
才能平衡
热恋伤痕　
幻灭重生　
祝我生日快乐


^^

谢谢你的错爱

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5:51 PM

Day 11

HMMMM~ jus woke up at 9:19 am again... yesterday also the same time.. weird.. seems like no matter wad time i sleep i will end up waking at this time. first thing i tot when i woke is u again. blah.. u shudnt know.. how to let u know i let go already? aiya... juz thinking too much.. still cant believe for 17 months u toyed me.. i stupidly go take it so serious when u took it like a child play.. hmm.. i dunno wad to say.. but it still hurts leh. weird.. nothing seems to cheer me up.. i juz feel ditched. =.= for a matter of fact i am ditched.. u hurt me and left smiling... yea. i am certain now the feeling was never there.. maybe for the first month there is.. but the rest 16 months was juz me..

a stupid block of wood trying to hold on to someone that dun love me from the very start...

saw her photos on some blog the other day.. she look happy.. she will be happy with her frens.. but never with me... hurts yea.. it definitely does hurt me. now i wun even know which feeling is true.. i misread a feeling for 17 months. hur.. how wood can i be..

shit. when can i stop posting these crap...

i feel alone.... a piece of my heart is gone.. LOL. mocking me now ba.

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9:39 AM

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Day 10 Part 2

i am confused... =.= now is day wad?! ARHAAHAHAHA.. stupid blogger.. ANYONE KNOW how to change the date to ASIA?! dammit. =.=

BOOOO. lonely~ catching KungFu Slam Dunk & CJ 7 tmr! ^.^ alone of cos.. until some one pop out and say he / she is free on CHINESE NEW YEAR day 2 and is willing to see my irritating face. arhahahaha.. PLUS he / she must be filthy rich to watch 2 movies with a dirty poor guy like me!


to be exact.... 1 hour 32 min to my birthday~~ wooots.

not happy at all. =.= more of...... sadness?

BOOOO~ thanx ar....



i wan to forget u. i still love u. u cant stop that. but at least u know that.

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10:26 PM

Day 10

i'm not ok. will nv be ok until u really let go one day.

i don hate u. i juz dun love u. but u still as clingy.. i know i was clingy before.. i was foolich to try to change u. mian qiang shi bu hui xin fu de.

i juz wan to let go.. its all along a one sided thing.. Why did i love you so much?

Fuck.

no names.. as requested. shall not be a jerk.

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1:08 AM

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Day 9 Part 2

wooo. hit day 10 le. 10 days after that... still feel like day 1. bullshit. she is happy. so shud i. but i cant be happy. i am no happy. i am not ok.. chinese new year dun seem rite.. i have no mood to cheer.. to be happy...

CNY concert was a success. quite smooth.. juz volume wise its a bit soft. on the whole its a whole new experience... i wan be soloist... its dam cool. guess if i am the soloist no one will go the concert..

after the whole thing they drag me to pool.. totally no mood. cant concentrate at all.. even burn my hand because of the rough stick.. sian... totally no mood.. end up leaving early.. sorry guys.

i dun get it.. we can pull through all these de.. last time i am not understanding after u tell me i got change.. we were back again.. but now.. this time... u choose to let go.. y let go.. after so long?

u said the tot of me will hurt you.. but come to think of it.. why will u even think of me. u have all ur DANCE FRENS to cheer u up. u shud be more than happy to forget me...

i doubt there will be a chance to be back.. i wan you back.. as bad as u wan me to leave..

i juz dun believe the feeling gone.. i dun believe it. i know i being stupid.. but i juz dun believe it. i juz wan be a good fren.. if not at least a true fren that u can talk to... but u dun even wan to talk to me.. start topic le still so dao.. wads the point. good fren meh? its like a stranger...

give u time ba.. chi new year. u shud be happy. i shud be happy too... but actual fact i am dam emo... i still have smile in front of my mum...

'...may u get all that u wish for.'

i wish for a piece of my heart.. my wish for my soul mate.. i wish for a support. i wish for some one who actually felt my pain. i wish for some one that treasures me.. i wish for some one that love to this date will fall for me again...



i wish for you....

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2:29 PM

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Day 9

hurhur. i was rite. u are never that noble. i thought u gave up fetching ur sister to help me celebrate my birthday... i guess i was so naive.

' i got reunion lunch.....'

how nice. the nite before got outing. the next day MEET outing AGAIN! WOOTS! so ENTHU! so FUN!


bond ur life away. serious.


u are in LOVE with dance people. not dance.. they understand u so WELL.

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11:01 PM

Monday, February 4, 2008

Day 8

Don't Love You No More by Craig David

[VERSE 1]
For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately you've been acting so cold
(didn't you say)
If there's a problem we should work it out
So why you giving me the cold shoulder now
Like you don't even wanna talk to me girl
(tell me)
Ok I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
But why are you making this thing drag on so long
(I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly game
(silly games)
Don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
It's not me here who's been going round slamming doors
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

[VERSE 2]
I know that I made a few mistakes
But never thought that things would turn out this way
Cause I'm missing something now that your gone
(I see it all so clearly)
Me at the door with you in a state
(in a state)
Giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face
That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more.

[CHORUS]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

[BRIDGE]
Don't say those words it's so hard
They turn my whole world upside down
Girl you caught me completely off guard
On the night you said to me
I just don't love you more.

[CHORUS 2X]
Rain outside my window pouring down
What now, your gone, my fault, I'm sorry
Feeling like a fool cause I let you down
Now it's, too late, to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
You made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more


he feels guilty.. he starting to feel in her shoes.. she is not feeling any better than he is.. she is stress with her dance stuff.. its time for him to learn to step in her shoes..


jas was rite.. i shudn't push the blame to anything thats around us.. i shud have known the problem was with me... i was too pressurizing for u.. i shud have know how much it hurts for u to say u dun love me... guess u are rite... i am juz a block of wood... to a large extent.. what u meant by 'pain hai bu shi self inflict de' make senses.. all the pain i feeling is all cos of my own ignorance..


sorry dear.. its my fault.. it have always been.. i shud have understood that dance is ur passion. i shud have understood that ur social circle is important too.. i shud have stop u from lying to ur parents.. i shud have know how much it hurts u when i say about toilet...there are alot of shud have that i shud have done... but now its too late..i juz wan to say...


i am sorry. and i trust u.. maybe its not important anymore. but i juz wan to let u know that i trust u. i dun care wad that toilet do.. i still trust u..





sorry

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9:29 PM

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Day 7

hurhur.. he nearly forgot today is day what... =.=

music helps. sleeping helps. he cant find any other things that get her out of his mind. blah. forget it. not even a glimpse before his birthday..

she is happy ba. he really hope she is.. its juz like another catch 22....

when she is happy he is suppose to be happy but he has to be hurt first before he is happy?

ARGH.. feel weird today. dunno what am i talking abt....






i really miss her..

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7:54 PM

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Day 6

Why do i love you - Westlife

Suddenly she's leaving
Suddenly the promise of love has gone
Suddenly breathing seems so hard to do

Carefully you planned it
I got to know just a minute to late oh girl
Now I understand it
All the times we, made love together
Baby you were thinking of him

Why do I love you
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do
You should have told me
Why did you had to be untrue
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love you like I do

Ain't gonna show no weakness
I'm gonna smile and tell the whole world I'm fine
I'm gonna keep my senses
But deep down where no one can hear me
Baby I'll be crying for you

Why do I love you
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do
You should have told me
Why did you had to be untrue
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love you like I do

Can't go back
Can't erase
Baby your smiling face
Oh no, I can't think of nothing else but you (else but you) suddenly

Why do I love you
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do
You should have told me
Why did you had to be untrue
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love you like I do

Why do I love you
Don't even want to
Why do I love you like I do
Like I always do
You should have told me
Why did you had to be untrue
(Love you like I do)
Why do I love you like I do


nice song ^^

anyway. woke up dam early today. he went to help his mum do spring cleaning.. =.= luckily he woke up early. if not he will will late for some 'date'. anyway he left he house at around 12 plus plus to meet up with his gays to go for pool..

so stupid can. he took the wrong bus and over slept.. ended up at the swimming pool there. so he decided to take mrt from katib. as he walked pass a row of short houses, he heard a woman moaning. =.= then he realise a couple was mating.. stupid sia. WASTED! shud have open the curtain and take a glimpse.

LOL. THAT aside. that stupid old man was so happy when thatboy called. LOL. that tiko.. he realise taht old man was with a group of harmoc ppl. horny old man. later die hor? LOL. share some la. WALAO...

ANYWAY went pool for like.... 3 hours? play until arms rot.. got burnt by the stupid stick.. result of playing too long.. was about to leave when yy suggested to go for a game of DAYTONA?! so not fun can.. =.= first game was dam fun.. then they realise the subsequent games are a waste of money. LOL.

for the first time in his life he went to another girls house.. too bad the girl is not at home. ARHAHAHAHA. feel so stupid..

*knock knock* any1 home?
*knock knock* ANYONE HOME?

LOL...


fun day.


boring day.


nono


boring me.

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9:12 PM

Friday, February 1, 2008

Day 5 Part 2

she say frens dun call so often. she say she dun wan him to call anymore. he will onli cause her trouble.


then so be it.


17 months of relationship seems like a dream now.. everything they being through, every obstacles they perserved is now nothing to her. let it be a dream and be forgotten..


then so be it.


she regret starting on 11th August 2006 and she put out that flame with her bare hands on 27th January 2008.


then so be it.


he is too clingy.. too reluctant to let go.. tot as long as he could hear her voice he will be happy. but he is still naive. he tot that she sms him as a fren but it turn out to be sympathy only. like wad er mei say "分手分得干脆一点"


then so be it.


he doubt she reads these. so wad if she is hurt by every word that is written here. she is not really affected.


then so be it.


she have fellow dancers and that 'sister' of the dancers to talk to. he is juz nothing. whatever he says is just passing remarks to her.


then so be it.


he wants her to be happy and wants the best for her and wants her not to be cheated again. she see it as a trap. a trick. a plan to destroy her.


then so be it.


she says that he dun understand her well. but she thinks she understand "sister" so well and trusted him so much.



as long as she is happy.








or rather her parents are happy.




即使到了分手的时候他还是迁就着她。

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11:07 PM

Day 5

things still happen... he caused her trouble again.. a lot of things happened in that short 1 hour.. too many to be exact... T.T shall not talk about it...

er mei: Why cant you all 分手分得干脆一点不要每次害我可以吗？自己不会看 meh?

hmm... i dunno... does she know how it hurts or not? dunno then shut up? dun wan help just say? cant blame her also.. i just too.... HAIZ i dunno wad to say.. its just so 矛盾..

i played that song to her. its not well prepared.. i play until cry... not cos its so unbearable.. but its so hurting... i dunno... i wanted to play that song for her on vday... but i woner if tha tday will even come or not.. she was at bad mood. just wan to cheer her up.. really dun wan 害 her anymore..

as for u er mei... i am just disappointed in you..

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10:10 PM