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Monday, January 28, 2008

Day 1

i dunno... i really regret what i do.. i juz cant let go.. i keep telling myself she is gone... gone for good... gone forever... i dunno.. i love too deep.. so deep that i cant pull myself out.. so deep that i am drowning.. really drowning.. i wan to correct my mistake.. i wan another chance.. a chance to love thatgirl... a chance to have a pillar of support.. a chance to have a shoulder to lean on.. i feel so lost.. i have no one to fall on... i am juz..

alone.

so alone that it kills me.. i really dun blame thatgirl.. she is not a self centered freak.. a bitch... she is not. she is my princess.. she is my everything.. the worst mistake i make in mylife was to let her go... was to call her a bitch... i dun mean it. but i did say it... i dunno why.. i was so stupified by anger... i actually told her all these.. i know she is hurt. so hurt that her heart stop loving me.. so hurt that even stem cells cant heal... i really regret it.. i really wan to support her and let her ly on my shoulder again...

i miss those days... less than 10 hour a month.. i know its little.. but u are contented with it.. i shud be.. i din... i wanted more.. it was my fault.. i shud have trust thatgirl... i keep wanting reassurance.. again and again.. it juz shows how inconfident i am... i need u.. u make me who i am now.. the bubbly boy is really gone with u... all that is left is a boy who acts happy whole day... bleed so profusely inside... all cause by his own doing...

that girl say that she is able to forget all about thatboy by dancing.. mugging... thatboy boy try to sweat it all out too.. it nvr worked...it nvr did.. he is beaten tired... ran 5 km on that running mill... 10 kg dumb bells cant leave her away from his mind for even a sec... thatboy fall too deep... now he cant climb out..

thatboy dun wan to lie to himself again... its all along his fault.. he cant forget her.. its juz hard..... thatboy wan to forget.. but he cant.. really cant... he dunno how thatgirl did it.. but he is hurt to know that she did.. its painful for him to know thatgirl is surviving well without him... its painful for him to know that he is not much of a importance to her anyway.. if the most important person in his life dun even see him as important.. what is him? he dunno... he dun wan to think.. he choose to avoid.. no matter how long he run.. how long he hide.. he juz wan to get hold of a eraser so strong that it can clean away all those memories for him.. he tried to lie to himself that thatgirl din forget... thatgirl is hurt also.. he dunno how to help.. he cant even help himself...

he wan to see her sms... he dare not sms her..
he wan to see her face again.. he dare not call her..

he miss her alot.. wondering a silly question..

do u miss me??

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8:08 PM

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i'm running from reality
and into my own world